Thursday, May 20, 2010

Stagnant...but not

It is very difficult to stay awake past 11 when you've been awake since 8 a.m. Although I am glad to have gotten up so much earlier than usual, I miss my usual reason for late-wake-up--my boyfriend. Only a single night I have been without him, yet already I want him here with me. Kind of. Part of me does, part of me does not. I enjoy being away from him, for just a little while. It may just be that I so very much enjoy being away from western Mass. I do not like it there. For me it is boring and lonely. For is the perfect bachelors' place. We will see how this goes.

I want him here so I can show him around. It's weird. I know I'm supposed to see him as a person now, but I still have this weird obsession with pushing him into the follower position where he won't react. I guess I want him to react, I just don't know how he will. That is perhaps the best part about being with him--I never know what's next. With Chris it was always quiet, or he was scared of something, or whatever; with James there's a bit of bravery, curiosity, an insatiable humor, although it can be somewhat morbid.

I got my hair cut at Wal Mart tonight. Maricel brought me out to lunch (onion & mushroom pizza at Not Your Average Joe's), and then we went with dad to China Buffet (we snuck out lots of, ahem, leftovers), then Wal Mart, and home again. I talked to James on the phone for a little while. I will not be obsessive and check my phone to see how long...but it felt like five or ten minutes. Spent an hour and a half in Staples trying to put together that damn booklet for the mothers at the TLP. Wicked bothersome. I was so out of it after that. Registration tomorrow, for the Honda, for the road trip.

I need to sleep really bad soon, this tired feeling is killing me. Stomach also killing me. Apparently being in Eastern Mass does not heal my intestinal issues. I will just need to not eat. Everybody here keeps telling me I need to gain weight, but how do they expect me to do that when everything I eat just stagnates in my gut from night to night? Sleep calling still. Dreams of storms last night. Perhaps there are more waiting.

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